Saturday, April 28, 2012

The Writers' Apex

Now that I have a direction of road to follow for my new book, Michtam's Hubris, I will hopefully reenter my writing ritual of at least one hour a day of writing. I'm getting excited about it, because although I feel strongly about the topic (which I have not yet revealed), I wasn't "feeling" what I'd written before today. Now I am and I see several side stories.

For those of us who write (and God bless us), I'm sure we've all had our battles with writer's block or lack of stimulation for a current project. We want everything we write to be gripping, intelligent, and perfectly written the first time out the gate, so to speak. I've learned, however, while completing Anticipation of the Penitent, that it's important to just write, without much consideration for editing grammatically or story wise. Otherwise, little more than a sentence a day will be created. It's that "feeling" we have while writing that matters. If we have that excitement, and are even able to reach that apex of "getting into the zone," where we're pecking out pages and pages with little breaks, then that's joy.

Later, after writing for that day or week, and we reread what we've written, then we can edit just enough to get our feelings through the words. I've come across many times that after writing something that was very moving to me as I wrote it, I found later was lost in bad grammar, lack of imaginative descriptions, and unclear connections. But that can be fixed more completely later, as many things will need to be fixed later. We've just got to continue writing with that inner excitement and keep trying to reach that apex.

So far today, I've written for about forty minutes on the book. I've got to write at least twenty minutes more today. Pray for me that this ritual remains strong, endures, and that a first draft of my new book will be completed this year! That too would be joy.

Friday, April 27, 2012


It’s something not to talk about,
given that most times I see myself as I was
and not as I am. 

People come in and say,
“Ah! Happy birthday, young lady!”
and I wish I could spit at them. 
If I wanted to celebrate
my birthday
with anyone other than myself
I’d be on Facebook.  

Instead, I try my best to stay within,
dreaming of all the ghosts of my past,
remembering the true birthday celebrations of
my youth.

At this point,
birthdays are a commemoration of
approaching death.  
Why would I want people to say
in essence,
their true words of,
“Happy near death! Look at you
knocking on death’s door! God bless you”?

I’d like to say to them,
“Stop letting the Grim Reaper
know I’m close!” 

What I grumble instead,
while waving them away is,
“Truck it all to h….”

- Maybe you'll have some insight when an elderly is in a sourly mood. :)

Monday, April 23, 2012

The Platform Continues

Now that the book is totally here, I’ve got to be more prolific in my writing to continue the blog posts. I know there are several of you who are still reading the novel, and I hope more of you do so. I appreciate this, and again, I am happy to receive any comments made in love, which doesn’t mean they have to be positive, just positively honest and constructive, including constructive criticism. I’m still actively seeking an agent and expanding my platform.  Thus, the Platform Momentum continues.

I do have a couple of stories that aren’t Christian, and even dark in nature (my secret side becomes more revealed), and I’m considering whether to post them. Yes, they’re even a little more dark that my novel and without the Christian messages and theology. Since that goes against the title and intent of my blog, I may bypass those stories and generate some more appropriate topics. There are other platforms where I can put those forth if I'd like.

I want to ask:  What have you enjoyed most (or least), the poetry, stories or ideas?  I know there are only a couple of stories so far, but how do they fair?

Thank you again for continuing to read Writer’s Mark, and God bless!

Friday, April 20, 2012


Strange that with all there is to see,
with continual movements,
with sounds which never cease,
with emotions that flow through
the atmosphere like wandering spirits;

Strange that with skin that feels incessantly,
with life all around,
with the air that blows for everyone,
even for those who are suffocating;

Strange that with people still creating,
not just life but stories and paintings and music,
with death permeating the world,
with eyes lurking around to see what everyone else sees,
and possibly something unseen,

That so few let go…
but persistently
       and search…

while the heart tries to find a moment of silence,
while the body pushes its way to a point of stillness,
and the mind, facing complacency,
stands at the edge of solitude.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Rebecca’s Husband

“Teeth: brushed. Hair: brushed. Eyelids: brushed with color.”
Rebecca looked from the mirror to the window, which had a view out to the front courtyard and to downtown. From the fifth floor bathroom window, Rebecca could see all she needed, including each step necessary to reach the bus stop. The bus labored its way toward her stop. This one she would miss.
Rebecca could also see where she would be let off after a straight twenty-block ride down Garibaldi Boulevard. Then, once pedestrians got out of the way, she could see the steps to take her to her office.
Looking back to the mirror, Rebecca scanned from her face, which was completed to her liking, down to her shoulders, which were bare, except for the white bra straps hanging on tight and contrasting with her rich brown skin. Before her vision reached to the cups of the bra, she quickly grabbed the grey shirt hanging on the back of the chair at her side and threw it on.

Friday, April 13, 2012

death of a savior

the chair sits me upon it
 – a wooden friend to my worn flesh.
i let them inhabit me;
bugs weave through my hair (and warm my scalp),
beetles scuttle under my shirt,
slugs take over my legs (and slicken them),
spiders web me once over (insistent on preserving me),
-- the impossibility
ants trudge across my body (a new frontier),
and flies land on me, and birds splatter me,
and the dog tears at my shoes and jumps
on my lap (my continual destructive friend).

            the chickens cheep their hunger to me,
but my ears are the homes of moths,
my eyes food for the spiders,
my nose caves to worms, and
my mouth has been sucked dry.

            my flesh becomes petrified, and
my feet are roots.
            my back clings to the chair that sat
me upon it, and it too turns to moss.

            i am no longer of the human life,
and am desecrated only by insects.

            my flesh is no longer flesh,
my mind no longer minds, and
my heart no longer feels.
but the chickens continue to cheep,
and the dog barks across my land.
            the sun continues to shine on my world,
and rain feeds us all.
            i harken to no one,
and responsibility is no longer mine.

*Not one of my Christian poem, but one that is heartfelt.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Taking One Small Step

   Taking one small step,
knowing there's love at the end.
How do I endure talking?
How do I feel secure?
How do I throw away the hurts
from my youth?

Taking a big leap forward,
knowing God will not let me fall.
Will I show myself under a microscope
and fear my flaws are indelible?
Will I hide my true face,
not knowing what it looks like?
Will I let myself cry and
welcome the comforting hand of my love?

                        Running far ahead,
there's no fear about where I'll end.
My God will lead my love and me
on a righteous journey.
I will be embraced and will open my heart
to the bounty of love found.
I will gratify my Lord with the sacrifice
of following His will.
I will start by taking one small step.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Me in Christ

Earlier I asked, What If?  In that post I said I need to learn how to be me and to see myself as God does.  Though I believed I knew what I meant, did I?

I think I’m still learning that it is difficult to be me, in that I want to live as God wants me to, but often I’m afraid I’ll do something, say something, not do or say something that will give someone offense or cause others to think I’m not being Christ-like enough.  I may ask myself, “If I say that, will people think I’m too much into myself?” or think, “I can’t say that because someone may think I’m being deceived by the world and having polluted thoughts.”

Whether these thoughts are the truth or not doesn’t matter.  They keep me from being who I truly am, thus there is the need to know how to live as me.

God, I believe, does not want template Christians in the world, but people who can act without the fear of failure, because we are definitely “faulty,” and therefore cannot be the perfect template.  By trying to live that perfectly straight-lined Christian life, I’m not accepting that, “Of course I’m not perfectly anything. I'm continually learning, growing closer to God, and simply living!”  The focus should not be on trying to be that perfect citizen of God, but on reaching out to people to let them know that despite our imperfections and “faultiness,” God is always there to correct us, guide us, keep us in line with him, and erase our mistakes through his grace.

We plant the seeds that can lead people to Christ, but it is God who does the work!  It seems to be only arrogance and a sense of self-righteousness that causes me to think I can’t be who I am for fear that people will see that I am not perfect.  Definitely I am not and never will be, so why should I fear this?  God knows my heart, knows my will, knows where I need help, and he never fails us and never lets us down!  By and through God will I learn to live as who I am!

So, especially to my Facebookers, if it seems my statements may become slightly different, not so self-controlled, and maybe even seem a little worldly, please just know that I am learning.  I am learning how to be me in Christ.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

What If?

What if I go to a physical, emotional, and spiritual boot camp that lasts at least a month?  Two would be better.  Three, stupendous!  There I’d study God intensely through his word and intimacy with him, while learning who I am, how to be me, and to see myself as God does, while building, toning, strengthening this physical form that God gave me.  I must find a camp like that, because I’m ready to start!  

Maybe I can be in this boot camp now?  With God leading me ahead as my Master Sergeant, Psycho-Analyst, and Spiritual Guide?  There could be none better!  

Who's joining me?

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

God’s Universe

When God made the universe,
       He made it knowing of my existence to come.
For God made the universe from me.
When God made the universe,
       one universal molecule was my love of writing,
       this one my love of family,
       while that one my love of growth.
Thus God made the universe out of me.
For this is how He builds up His love.
And then He lives there in me,
       knowing each of my molecules,
       and each of my loves.
And He lives there,
       knowing all decisions there are for me,
       and every role I will play at each stage in my life.
When God made the universe,
       He made it knowing of my existence to come,
       knowing which of His gifts He will bestow.
For God made the universe from me.
And I live there with God in His universe.

I wrote this several years ago, while still learning how much God is in my life.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

God's Words

I wrote this several years ago when insecurities had a much greater grip on me.   I thank God everyday for the growth he's doing in me!

God’s Words

I try not to take it for granted that God has given me so much. I wish to acknowledge to Him that I am so blessed and erase those feelings, those inner words that tell me that I am less than, not worthy, can’t be accepted. Those are lies from the devil.

But because of those lies, I have to learn to live my life as more than, worthy of, and accepted.

When I interact with others, those old feelings, those words, are woven within, and it appears to others that something is missing inside of me, and there is no connection. At least the connection can’t go beyond the superficial.

How do I open up to people, let them inside, when I feel so less than, so not worthy, so unacceptable?

Yet, God tells me I am more than, I am worthy, I am accepted, and I am loved, and I am valued.

I need to plant those words from God within my being to kill the weeds of those other lies. I need to let God’s words grow; filling me so there is no room for the others.

Then maybe, definitely, I can open up without fear; can let people in knowing they will not be disgusted. Indeed, they will see the growth of God’s words and be delighted.

If I can let them in.

Yes I can let them in. Yes I will let them in.

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