Saturday, November 3, 2012

Sometimes You Get Shot

If you’re crossing the road at a moment that a drive-by shooting occurs, you might wonder if you’ll get shot. At that time it’s not a crazy question to have. Unlike when you happen to drop by a long-lost lover’s home just to see if what you heard was true, that, you know, if he’s married and has kids. You might think that it’s highly unlikely you might get shot at that moment.
Now, you might have been thinking that it would be good to catch up on old times, to see how much he’s changed, to see if he’ll recognize you because you know you’ve changed a heck of a lot. You never considered the possibility that you’ll start off where you ended. You don’t even want to think that far back. Not really. You’re not thinking about how you ended, you throwing his shoes at his head and him telling you he can’t help it if he’s not in love with you enough to marry you.
At a drive-by, if you hear shots whizzing by closer and closer to you, you know to run in the opposite direction, duck, cover, and scramble out of the way in any way you can. That’s normal and no one will question your reaction. However, say you’re sitting on this long-lost lover’s bed and you’re thinking maybe something can work out here. He’s giving you that look you haven’t seen in forever, and even though he has the ring on and pictures of the two kids and the little lady on the nightstand, you consider what might happen. Getting shot never pops up in your mind.
When the two of you are getting hot and heavy, this is after he’s already explained to you how everyday he’s thinking of a way to get out of his marriage, you get the image in your mind that you are exactly like you were way back when. Your blood flows like then, you imagine the kisses with the same passion, and you tell yourself your body feels the same way it did then.
Things are so good, nothing else comes to your mind. There are no rationalizations about what you’re doing and who might be hurt, because your mind is stuck back in those far away times. You’re not thinking about how he slipped the ring off his hand or how he happened to upturn the pictures on his nightstand. All you’re thinking about is how his lips and tongue feels good on yours, and how his hands can get to so many places on your body so fast and so good.
He’s also told you how his kids are old enough to know that things need to end between him and his wife, and that they know everyone would be better off. Even so, you don’t go near to telling him that you also had to get away from yours. There’s no chance you can tell him that your man has been following you, insistent on not letting things end the they inevitably will.
No, when you’re in the moment, not thinking of consequences or how you’ll feel afterwards, you’re only thinking about how good you feel at that time and you don’t realize that the time will not last. You don’t admit that the excitement you’re feeling and the thoughts that took you back to those far away times are temporary, much more so than you can comprehend. Because although there is no drive-by and you’re not hearing bullets blow past you and you’re not running in the opposite direction, you are nonetheless blown back when your man, who followed you every step of the way, only needed time enough to make sure you would not leave the house having done nothing.
No, he waits long enough and listens hard enough until he could hear the moaning and pants of your passions, load his pistol and kick in the door, even though it wasn’t locked. Your long-lost didn’t hear the door being kicked in, he’s so wrapped up in what he's doing and he was not expecting anyone to come home in another four hours. He did hear the report of the gun, though. And after he backed up, he didn’t return to you to help. He jumped up and ran in the opposite direction of the shooting, which was out the window.
Neither did your man say anything to you after he shot you. He knew he’d done his job, that the bullet would do you in in just a little while. Instead, he puts his gun away in his pants, turns and walks away the way he came in, leaving you to think that if this had been a drive-by shooting, there would have been multiple shots and you could have run away, a natural reaction to being placed in danger. When you didn’t know that your man had even followed you while you went to see about this long-lost love and you didn’t consider that something other than a catch up of lives would happen, you don’t think that someone might get hurt. When your lights are starting to fade out, the question comes to you that if you knew this was going to happen would you have still left? But it never occurred to you that in this situation, unlike in a drive-by shooting, sometimes you just might get shot.

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